Dear Nona,

I have a student who just sits there. No matter what I try, he won’t participate. He doesn’t cause problems, but he also doesn’t do anything. I’ve tried calling on him, offering choices, pairing him with a friend—nothing. Any advice?

— Stuck & Stumped

Dear Stuck & Stumped,

Yes, the quiet resister. The student who won’t talk, won’t work, and seems determined to blend into the desk. Frustrating? Absolutely.

Here’s the trick: Don’t mistake silence for defiance. Some students are scared of being wrong. Some are hiding gaps in their learning. And some? Just waiting to see if you’ll give up.

Try this:

—Find the Why. Is this anxiety? A skill gap? A home issue? 

Reluctance has a reason, and until you find it, you’re just throwing darts in the dark.

—Low-Stakes Wins. Give them an easy success. Something they can’t fail at—like a simple response on a sticky note.

—Choice is Power. Instead of “You need to participate,” try “Would you rather write your response or tell it to me privately?” Small choices = big buy-in.

—Build Trust First. If they don’t feel safe, they won’t engage. Be a human first, teacher second. Ask about their favorite show. Compliment their hoodie.

Now, what to expect next: Some students test how long they can resist before you give up. Don’t. Stay consistent, stay patient, and keep the door open for engagement.

I wrote more on this in my blog—give it a read here. It’s got some real-deal strategies that might help. And if nothing else, remember: Engagement is a marathon, not a sprint.

You’ve got this. Keep going.

— Nona

More Pro Tips

—Ms. L: "I use the ‘Silent Participation’ trick—students write down their response before they ever have to speak. It’s amazing how much more willing they are after that."

—Mr. D: "For my most reluctant students, I make a deal: ‘You don’t have to share every time, but I’ll ask you once per class. Your only job is to be ready.’ Low pressure, but still accountability."

—Mrs. T: "Music is magic. Playing lo-fi beats during independent work time makes some of my quietest students feel safe enough to join in."