Dear Nona,

I have a student who is so shy, she has never spoken in class—ever. Apparently, she is like this in other classes as well. Should I involve the counselor or parent? What’s the best way to support her without making her feel uncomfortable?

— Worried But Unsure

Dear Worried But Unsure,

Good instincts. You want to support this student, but the last thing you want to do is force her to speak before she’s ready. Being quiet isn’t a problem. Some kids are just wired that way. Your job is to make sure she feels seen and safe.

Step 1: Observe & Gather Information

Before calling in reinforcements, try to get a better sense of the situation:

—Is she engaged in other ways? Does she complete assignments? Make eye contact? Express herself in writing?

—Does she talk to peers? Even if she’s silent in class, she may talk in small groups.

—Has anyone (other teachers, parents, counselor) mentioned concerns? If she’s silent everywhere, it may be something deeper than shyness.

Step 2: Create Low-Pressure Opportunities

—Silent Participation: Let her write answers instead of saying them. Exit tickets, sticky notes, or digital responses can be game-changers.

—Pair Work: Small groups may feel safer than whole-class speaking.

—One-on-One Check-Ins: A private, no-pressure chat like “I’ve noticed you’re really quiet in class. That’s okay! Just want to make sure you’re comfortable and know I’m here if you need anything.”

Step 3: Decide Whether to Loop in Others

When to involve a counselor or parent:

—If she never speaks in any situation, even outside of class.

—If she shows signs of distress (anxiety, avoidance, etc.).

—If she’s struggling academically due to her silence.

What to Expect Next:

—She probably won’t suddenly start chatting. That’s fine. Let her learn on her own terms.

—She may open up in small ways. Maybe she does talk to a friend—great! Let that be enough.

— If she’s struggling, support is there. You’re not alone in this.

Meet her where she is, and let her bloom in her own time. And thank you for making space for quiet kids to shine.

— Nona

Recommendations

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain – Great insights into how quiet students learn best.

Watch: TED Talk: The Power of Introverts by Susan Cain – Perfect for understanding students who thrive in silence.

More Pro Tips

Ms. L: "I started using digital discussion boards so my quiet students could participate without speaking. It changed everything."

Mr. B: "I let my shy student present only to me first. After that, she slowly worked up to speaking in small groups."

Mrs. J: "One-on-one conversations at lunch or after class helped my quietest students feel comfortable with me first. That led to small breakthroughs."